A bride and groom flash their middle fingers at a confederate memorial. Amanda and Steve Say Fuck the Confederacy - Photo by Amanda Summerlin Photgraphy

How To Plan a Wedding When Civilization is Doomed

7 ways to mitigate the frivolity of planning a big-ass party when neo-Nazis are marching, the planet is melting, and POTUS is leading the Confederate States of America with “alternative facts.”

1. Get Clear on Why You are Even Getting Married

There is a fuck ton of pressure on all young-ish people who are in relationships to get married. Be sure you know why you are getting married, and that you are not just taking the next expected step.

And do your very best to pick the right person. I cannot stress this enough.

Life is short. Nukes and armed white supremacists and increasingly-frequent severe weather events could make it dramatically shorter. Spend it with someone you can’t imagine spending it without.

wedding couple embrace at Golden Gardens
Photo © Melissa Shaw

2. Hire Wedding Businesses That Are Owned by Historically Marginalized Folks

One way to fight white supremacy and the patriarchy is to redistribute power to non-white, non-Christian, LGBTQ+, and female people.

Take the extra 90 seconds when you’re vendor hunting to read about pages and find out who they are. Most of us will tell you right there.

Look through portfolios to see if there’s representation beyond the straight, white, wealthy, and thin wedding industry standard.

Start your search at places like Catalyst Wedding Co., where you’ll find a whole directory of #WokeWeddingPros.

Here are some to get you started. Also, here are a couple more. Ok, maybe just another one or two. There really are quite a few to choose from!

3. Educate

You know what happens for most people when they plan a wedding? They spend a lot more time than usual around their families.

Do you have a racist (covert or overt) uncle? A homophobic grandma? A cousin who thinks immigrants should go back home? Take the extra time when you are wrangling their RSVP or making small talk at a shower to teach them about privilege, intersectionality, and recycling those beer bottles you’re clinking. (You may need this.)

Do you still have some things to learn? The answer is YES. The answer is ALWAYS yes. Start here.

4. Make Your Wedding as Sustainable as Possible.

Weddings produce a ton of trash. Let’s make your big day more sustainable:

  • Save the trees by foregoing any paper goods that you don’t feel really strongly about (Goodbye, programs, place cards, and menus that end up in the trash. Hello, large signs with wedding party, schedules of events, food choices, and seating charts!)
  • Consider taking your invitations online. If not entirely, at least move RSVPs, directions, travel info, and all other extra insert cards to a website instead of printing and mailing.
  • Reuse: there are many places to find gently-used wedding stuff, so you don’t have to buy new. As a bonus, it’ll probably cost you less AND you can re-sell it afterwards! Keep your décor out of the garbage bin!
  • Same goes for wedding gowns. Or refashion a dress from a close friend or family member to suit your style. Or buy something you will actually wear again, repeatedly.
  • Don’t be shy about asking vendors what their sustainability practices are! You’ll find florists who source sustainably grown blooms, stationers using FSC-certified papers, and caterers who insist on composting and recycling.
  • Encourage your guests to carpool! (Or share a cab or a Lyft or take public transportation, or walk.)
  • Make sure recycling is happening if you are serving food or drinks.

5. Give Back

Can you afford to support organizations that are working for social justice? Great! Make a donation in honor of your marriage. Better yet, make it an annual tradition to give every year on your anniversary.

No extra cash? That’s ok. Make your wedding budget do double-duty:

  • Instead of giving out $2 favors to each guest, put all that money together and donate it to an organization that is making the world a better place.
  • Hire vendors who do the same as part of their business practices.
  • Haven’t booked a venue yet? Look into non-profits in your area, and see which of them have event space available for rent.
  • Ask your guests to bring canned goods or a donation to your favorite charity in lieu of a gift.

6. Take Care of Yourselves

We all know wedding planning is stressful; and when it’s added to the pile of Things that are Happening in the world and your life, it can easily push you to a breaking point.

And so you may find yourselves feeling something like:

A) “Everything is completely fucked, so let’s throw the raddest party with all our friends that we can dream up!”
B) “Everything is completely fucked, and we are now unable to accomplish anything so trivial as planning a wedding!!”
C) “Everything is completely fucked, so let’s get married as quickly and easily as possible!”

All are totally legit reactions. Give in to whichever calls to you as much as possible. Some possible responses:

  • Hire a planner so that you don’t have to invest your emotional energy and time in logistics and details.
  • Choose 2 or 3 priorities for your wedding and just say no to everything else.
  • Skip on down to the courthouse, invite your nearest and dearest, order some pizzas, and call it a (wedding) day.
  • Use wedding planning as an escape from this insane reality.

7. Don’t Let These Fuckers Steal Your Joy

Seriously.

We will keep fighting, and this will almost certainly continue to be a giant dumpster fire for a while, and we may get nuked or we may become a fascist dictatorship, and we may have (more of) our rights stripped away, but they can never take away what is in our hearts.

So keep that, treasure that, celebrate it with every ounce of your being, in every moment that you have the opportunity to do so.

Because #LoveIsLoveIsLove.


This post is dedicated to Hillary Clemens Harbor, who dedicates many unpaid hours of her time to gathering and summarizing the actual, real, non-alternative facts and news every weekday in the Harbor News Roundup. If you want to stay informed, and I know you do, I suggest you give that a follow.

what's up with

colorful Aisle Less Traveled logo design

Sick of spending all your free time seeking wedding planning advice and stressing about the details?

If a professional wedding planner is out of budget, you need Alt+Ctrl+Wed™.

Alt+Ctrl+Wed™ is a self-paced virtual program packed with planning advice, how to instructions, exclusive discounts, and all of the checklists, spreadsheets, and templates you need to get your wedding planned.

Plus, ask me and my team of wedding planners absolutely anything and get our personal support with every part of planning through our private Discord community.

Alt+Ctrl+Wed™ is offered on a sliding scale starting at just $297 for access as long as you needed. 

On the podcast

Supergay wedding logo design
Grooms hugging each other during wedding in Seattle

6 Things to do Before You Book a Wedding Venue

Cindy Savage, owner of Aisle Less Traveled, a wedding planning company in Seattle

Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage is the queer, fat, feminist wedding planner behind Aisle Less Traveled and the co-creator/co-host of the Super Gay Wedding podcast. When she’s not busy planning unique and creative weddings for the absolute best couples around, she can usually be found wearing stretchy pants with her nose in a book or a craft project in her hands. She currently lives in Seattle with her partner and an assortment of small houseplants.

Actually enjoy your wedding day!

Wedding Management

You know you can plan your wedding just the way you want it. And you also know that you can’t be everyone everywhere all at once, so you’re handing the details and execution over to our team of pros.

This is for you if...

You want to handle all of the planning on your own but you’re too smart to believe that your day can run itself. You want your loved ones to get the full guest experience (no working at your wedding!) and you want to actually enjoy it, too!  

Ready to learn about our process?

luxury wedding reception layout at Willows Lodge
brides standing together at wedding

Press the easy button on wedding planning!

Planning & Design

We handle all of the details so that you don’t miss the moments that matter most.

Let us take all of that pressure off of you. We’ll put our art degrees to work and make a beautiful event that feels authentic to the two of you.

This is for you if...

You want to hand off all of the tedious parts of the planning process to a pro, while staying involved in all of the details. You appreciate a clear and efficient process. You’re ready to make decisions quickly, but thoughtfully.

Ready to learn about our process?

Andy and Victor standing together on their wedding day at their luxury wedding reception
luxury centerpiece design with feathers and leaves

Feel like your wedding planned itself!

Bespoke Event Production

On your wedding day, you’re the VIPs. And with our Bespoke Event Production service, you’ll feel like a VIP from day one.

It’s every detail taken care of, without you having to lift a finger. No researching, no vetting, no thinking about logistics, no inbox full of wedding-related emails. 

All we need from you is your vision and your guest list and we will take care of the rest.

This is for you if...

You have a clear vision for your wedding, but you have absolutely no desire to do the work of planning it. You want a trusted and experienced professional to make it happen, knowing that you’ll love the results.

(And if you’re worried that you won’t? Don’t be. Because Bespoke Event Production includes a full preview of your wedding day, with the chance to change anything you don’t like.)

Ready to learn about our process?

pink and maroon florals at wedding
botanical centerpiece with purple details

Nick & Franklin

Enchanted Fall Forest Wedding at Trinity Tree Farm

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue: Trinity Tree Farm • Photographer: Jamie Buckley Photography DJ: Puget Sounds – DJ Kelli Florals: Flora D’Amore • Catering: The Tall Chef Farm Tables: Seattle Farm Tables Cake: Lydia’s Cakes & Confections Stationery: Minted Suits: Indochino Transportation: A&A Limousine Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks

Jackie & Tracy

An Epic Dance Party Hosted by a Drag Queen - The Hall at Fauntleroy Wedding

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue: The Hall at Fauntleroy Photographer: Jay Eads DJ: DJ Dark Wiley MC/Drag Performer: Betty Wetter Photo Booth: Hello There You Florals: Odd Flowers Lighting: Crimson Haze Event Lighting • Catering: Tuxedos & Tennis Shoes • Dessert: The Sugah Shack • Hair & Makeup: Lana Eisenbarth • Stationery: Minted • Jackie’s Dress: Sarah Seven Tracey’s Suit: Nordstrom, Indochino • Tracey’s Shoes: Al’s Attire

Add Your Heading Text Here

Sid & Ren

Capes, Swords, and Magical Woodland Vibes at Twin Willow Gardens

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning & Officiant: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue: Twin Willow Gardens • Photographer: Rove Coast Photography • DJ: Orion Entertainment • Florals: Twisted Bramble • Farm Tables: Seattle Farm Tables • Catering: Shooby Doo • Cake: Simply Sweet • Transportation: A&A Limousine • Swords: Jesse Belsky StageSwords • Adventurer Outfits: Celtic Fusion • Shoes: American Duchess • Accessories: Lykos Leather, Dark Age Leathers • Sid’s Jewelry: Balbaox Ren’s Jewelry: Joo Jewel, Baleen Invitations: The Knot Signs: Niki Press Designs Woodland Animal Table Numbers: Studio In Budapest

Steph & Lauren

Warm and Earthy Fall Wedding at Willows Lodge

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue & Catering: Willows Lodge • Photographer & Videographer: Miranda Florer • DJ: Puget Sounds – DJ Kelli Florals: Flora D’Amore • Lighting: Glow Lighting • Hair & Makeup: Blush Strokes Beauty • Gelato Cart: Nutty Squirrel • Officiant: Pastor Ellie • National Park Welcome Sign: Timber and Stain • National Park Table Signs: Victor Wood Forge • Steph’s Wedding Dress: Anthropologie • Lauren’s Wedding Dress: Maggie Sottero from I Do Bridal • Steph’s Shoes: Nordstrom Rack • Lauren’s Shoes: Aldo • Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks

Juliana & Nicole

Colorful Woodland Wedding at The Lodge at St. Edward State Park

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue & Catering: The Lodge at St. Edward State Park • Photographer: Amanda Summerlin • Videographer: Shutter & Sound • DJ & Photo Booth: Orion Entertainment • Florals: Floravore • Lighting: Glow Lighting • Rentals: Wander Event Rentals • Cakes: Askatu Bakery • Hair: Sanseveria • Makeup: Blush & Braids Beauty Bar • Hotel Room Blocks: JC Room Blocks

Andy & Victor

Studio 54 meets The Great Gatsby at Clearwater Resort Wedding

Vendor Team

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled Wedding Venue & Catering: Suquamish Clearwater Resort & Casino Photographer: Amanda Summerlin DJ: Jess the Ripper Florals: Flora D’Amore Rentals: CORT Party Rentals Draping: Quest Events Lighting: Lovecraft Events Stationery: Minted Hair & Makeup: Blush Strokes Beauty Andy’s Tux: Viktor Luna Victor’s Tux: Sharpe Suiting Groom’s Shirts: Indochino Bow Ties: FloralTrip Cuff Links: Ox & Bull Trading Co Reception Jumpsuits: Christian Siriano Andy’s Shoes: Christian Louboutin Victor’s Shoes: To Boot New York Transportation: A&A Limousine Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks