If You Are Not LGBTQ+, You Don’t Get to Educate on LGBTQ+ Inclusivity

So I’m sitting on an LGBTQ+ inclusivity webinar right now. Literally right now. I’m writing this while I’m big mad because the person ‘educating’ me (and about 40 other wedding pros) right now is… straight.

Not only that, but she’s getting a lot of things wrong – and this miseducation is going to mean that other well-meaning straight wedding pros are also going to get it wrong.

My queer AF self is sitting here, listening to this straight woman teach people how to include my community while calling herself and her publication an ally to my LGBTQ+ family.

To this I say: THIS SHIT WILL NOT FLY.

Straight people do not get to educate on and profit from LGBTQ+ people's lived experiences.

With recognition that our struggles are not the same, though they are very much interconnected, if this was a white woman educating on including Black clients and the lived experiences of Black people, this shit would not fly. The group who organized this talk would never, ever have brought in a white person to educate on that topic.

The group who organized this should never have brought in a straight person to educate on the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. And a true LGBTQ+ ally, as this person claims to be, would never, ever accept such a speaking gig. Nor use it to plug her (paid) services, literally profiting off of the pain of LGBTQ+ people.

A true ally would say, “Thanks, but this work is already being done by LGBTQ+ folks. Here are some who could speak on this topic.”

So, I want to make sure everyone who needs to hear this, hears this:

Straight people do not get to educate on and profit from the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. PERIOD.

Stay in your fucking lane. Do not speak for me and do not speak for my community about the discrimination we have faced and the oppression we have endured. Hand over the mic and pay us to speak for ourselves.

Do you want to get educated on LGBTQ+ inclusivity by actual LGBTQ+ folks? Then you should go get certified by Equally Wed Pro. (affiliate link alert: if you sign up through this link, I will receive a small commission.)

Do you need your website, contracts, and other documents reviewed by an actual LGBTQ+ person to help you make them more inclusive? I’ve got you covered.

Photos in this and all posts are published with the permission of the photographer. All images are fully protected by copyright law and may not be downloaded, copied, edited, shared, printed, or published elsewhere without explicit written authorization from the photographer.

Picture of Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage | Aisle Less Traveled

Cindy Savage is the queer, fat, feminist wedding planner behind Aisle Less Traveled and the co-creator/co-host of the Super Gay Wedding podcast. When she's not busy planning unique and creative weddings for the absolute best couples around, she can usually be found wearing stretchy pants with her nose in a book or a craft project in her hands. She currently lives in Seattle with her partner and an assortment of small houseplants.

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Planning & Design

Wedding Management

After you’ve experienced the preview of your dream day, you’ll sign your vendor contracts, then Aisle Less Traveled will get to work bringing together all the details of your day!

This includes our full service planning and design package:

  • Solidifying and coordinating your vendor selections
  • Coordinating logistics and execution of your event

Planning & Design

The Live Experience

  • A sample event to get a preview experience of your wedding day, hosted at your wedding venue
  • Get pampered with a hair and makeup artist for your hair/makeup trial
  • Tastings of your catering and dessert selections
  • Sit at a table decorated with your centerpieces, linens, dishware, and more
  • Experience a set from your DJ or band
  • Take your engagement photos at your venue

Bespoke Event Production

Stylistic Development

  • Discussion of your vision for your day, and your top priorities
  • Mood board to define the style direction of your wedding

NICK & FRANKLIN

Trinity Tree Farm Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue: Trinity Tree Farm

Photographer: Jamie Buckley Photography

DJ: Puget Sounds – DJ Kelli

Florals: Flora D’Amore

Catering: The Tall Chef

Cake: Lydia’s Cakes & Confections

Stationery: Minted

Hair & Makeup: 

Suits: 

Nick’s Shoes: 

Franklin’s Shoes:  

Transportation: 

Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks

JACKIE & TRACY

The Hall at Fauntleroy Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planner: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue: The Hall at Fauntleroy

Photographer: Jay Eads

DJs: DJ Dark Wiley

MC/Drag Performer: Betty Wetter

Florals: 

Lighting: Crimson Haze Event Lighting

Catering: Tuxedos & Tennis Shoes

Dessert: The Sugah Shack

Stationery: 

Hair & Makeup: 

Jackie’s Wedding Dress: 

Tracey’s Suit: 

Jackie’s Shoes: 

Tracey’s Shoes: 

Jackie’s Reception Jumpsuit: 

Transportation: 

Hotel Blocks:

SID & REN

Twin Willow Gardens Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planner: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue: Twin Willow Gardens

Photographer: Rove Coast Photography

DJ & Photo Booth: Orion Entertainment

Florals: Twisted Bramble

Stationery: 

Hair & Makeup: 

Capes: 

Tunics: 

Trousers: 

Boots: 

Swords: Jesse Belsky StageSwords

Transportation: A&A Limousine

STEPH & LAUREN

Willows Lodge Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue & Catering: Willows Lodge

Photographer: Miranda Florer

DJ: Puget Sounds – DJ Kelli

Florals: Flora D’Amore

Lighting: Glow Lighting

Stationery: 

Welcome Sign & Table Numbers: 

Hair & Makeup: Blush Strokes Beauty

Steph’s Wedding Dress: 

Lauren’s Wedding Dress: 

Steph’s Shoes: 

Lauren’s Shoes: 

Transportation: 

Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks

JULIANA & NICOLE

The Lodge at St. Edward Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue & Catering: The Lodge at St. Edward State Park

Photographer: Amanda Summerlin

DJ & Photo Booth: Orion Entertainment

Florals: Floravore

Lighting: Glow Lighting

Cakes: Askatu Bakery

Stationery: 

Hair: Sanseveria

Makeup: 

Juliana’s Wedding Dress: 

Nicole’s Wedding Dress: 

Juliana’s Reception Outfit:

Nicole’s Reception Outfit: 

Juliana’s Shoes: 

Nicole’s Shoes: 

Transportation: 

Hotel Room Blocks:

ANDY & VICTOR

Studio 54 meets The Great Gatsby - Clearwater Resort Wedding

Vendor Team:

Wedding Planning & Event Design: Aisle Less Traveled

Wedding Venue & Catering: Suquamish Clearwater Resort & Casino

Photographer: Amanda Summerlin

DJ: Jess the Ripper

Florals: Flora D’Amore

Rentals: CORT Party Rentals

Draping: Quest Events

Lighting: Lovecraft Events

Stationery: Minted

Hair & Makeup: Blush Strokes Beauty

Andy’s Tux: Viktor Luna

Victor’s Tux: Sharpe Suiting

Groom’s Shirts: Indochino

Bow Ties: FloralTrip

Cuff Links: Ox & Bull Trading Co

Reception Jumpsuits: Christian Siriano

Andy’s Shoes: Christian Louboutin

Victor’s Shoes: To Boot New York

Transportation: A&A Limousine

Hotel Blocks: JC Room Blocks