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Oof, y’all. This is a post I hoped I wouldn’t have to write, but here we are. (Again.)
On Wednesday, we all woke up to the news we hoped we wouldn’t. As I was browsing social media, of course I saw many of my friends posting about their grief and disappointment. But the other thing I saw – absolutely first thing – was LGBTQ+ folks in wedding planning groups asking, “Should we get legally married now, before Trump takes office in January?”
I’m a queer wedding planner who has been planning LGBTQ+ weddings since before Obergefell v. Hodges made marriage equality the law nationwide. I’m a queer person who’s experienced getting and being married at a time when it was legal in some states but not others. I’m a queer person who has personally protested in the streets for our right to marry. And I’m a queer person who watched what happened to marriages during the Prop 8 legal battle in California.
My answer is yes.
Here’s why. And when to do it. And how we can help you get it done.
What Could Happen to LGBTQ+ Marriage Rights Under a Trump Presidency
The Trump campaign and GOP have made it crystal clear, through their platform as well as Project 2025, that they would like all of us to disappear from existence. Their hateful “marriage is between one biological male and one biological female” rhetoric and recent Supreme Court cases put marriage rights at the top of their list. I have no doubt that they plan to overturn Obergefell v. Hodges as soon as they can. I also wouldn’t be surprised if they try to push a nationwide ban through Congress, along with their abortion ban.
I am not a lawyer, but here is my understanding of what each of these could mean for us.
If Obergefell v. Hodges is Overturned
If they overturn the Obergefell ruling, then marriage rights would default back to the states, as they were before it. Which means if you live in a state that explicitly allows it, you’d be married in the eyes of that state, along with any other states that recognize it. (In theory, all states should recognize it due to the full faith and credit clause of the U.S. Constitution, but we’ve historically, we’ve seen that’s not true in practice.) However, we would lose federal recognition, along with the approximately 1100 rights and responsibilities that federal law grants to married couples.
If a Federal Ban on Same-Sex Marriage is Passed
If a federal ban is passed through the legislature, it would supersede state law across the nation. While it’s unlikely this would happen immediately after Trump takes office, if the GOP ends up with a supermajority, it could happen very quickly. (As of the time I am writing this, there are enough districts still tallying votes that a House majority has not been determined.)
What the Prop 8 Precedent Means for LGBTQ+ Couples Right Now
If you’re as old as I am, you remember what happened with Proposition 8 in California, during the height of Obama-mania leading up to the 2008 election. For a window of several months, marriage was available to LGBTQ+ couples in California. Then, almost as soon as couples had the right to marry, it was yanked away again. Those who got married while they could remained married after the right was revoked. Again, I’m not a lawyer, but I believe that if Obergefell is overturned or a federal ban is passed, those who are already married when it happens will remain that way.
How Soon Should LGBTQ+ Couples Get Married?
The safest plan is to get married as soon as you can. Getting your marriage legally recorded before Inauguration Day would, in my opinion, be the best bet. If anything goes down, no matter how quickly, you will already be married.
That being said, it will probably take some time before anything changes. While pushing a new law through could happen, I personally believe that it’s much more likely we’ll see marriage equality rights revoked through a new ruling from the Supreme Court. They typically issue rulings in mid-June, so I think it’s reasonably safe to plan an elopement or wedding as long as it happens by the end of May.
What Else Can LGBTQ+ Couples Do to Protect Their Families?
Once more, I am not a lawyer, but… you’ll want to do everything you can to make sure your partner is your legal next-of-kin. If you don’t, it’s probably going to default to your parents, which might not be what you want. Even if it is, you probably want to be able to do things like visit your partner in a hospital or inherit their estate should something tragic happen. These rights, ordinarily conveyed by marriage, can also be acquired through wills, powers of attorney, and advanced directives. If you have children, you’ll want to make sure that you are both their legal parents – which may mean a second parent adoption. Trans folks will want to make sure name changes and gender markers are correct on all identifying documents. Everybody should have a passport that isn’t expiring anytime soon. I’m gonna leave the nitty gritty of this legal stuff to the experts – just know that the info is out there already with a little searching and there are organizations who can help at low or no cost if needed.
How to Get Married ASAP in Seattle as an LGBTQ+ Couple
Back to my wheelhouse. The basic how is this: get a marriage license, find an officiant, and get it done.
Lots of wedding pros are stepping up to offer additional availability over the coming weeks and months so that LGBTQ+ couples can get married while we still have the right to do so. Some are offering discounted or even free services to make it more accessible to those who need it.
You won’t be surprised to learn that my team and I are here for you! I am still working out exactly what we can offer. We understand the need for financial accessibility. And. We also live under capitalism. Just like you, I have bills and limited time that I can spare for unpaid labor. So I’m sorting out how I can meet the needs of our community in a way that is sustainable for me and my very small business.
Please check this page for what we’re offering. This will undoubtedly change over time as needs and capacity evolve. If what you see there doesn’t work for you financially, please, please, please reach out anyway and we will figure something out.
Don’t forget: Queer love is a radical, brave, political act. Our love is rebellion. Our joy is a middle finger to our oppressors. Our community is stronger than their hate.
With love and solidarity,
Cindy (& the Aisle Less Traveled team)
